


odi et amo (i hate and i love)

by xzael



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Character, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bisexual Male Character, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Out of Character, Trans Male Character, and ofc gay bae hartley, hint: cisco, probably, takes place some time after the time wraith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 22:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xzael/pseuds/xzael
Summary: “Really, Hartley? I hate your holier-than-thou attitude.” Cisco shouted, emphasizing his anger with finger quotes. “No one can hate you as much as I do.”“You think you can hate me more than I hate myself? Think again.”“Hartley, I didn't mean that. I-” Cisco’s voice softened, speaking in a way he reserved only for Hartley.“I haven't gone a single day without thinking about you since we broke up. Not one day have I not regretted what I did, not gone over every single mistake I made, not clung to my memories of us, together.” Hartley spilled. “And I hate it. Hate myself for not being able to let go of this impossible dream and get over you.”~written sometime way too early in the morning and unbeta d. based off of a tumblr prompt post thing





	odi et amo (i hate and i love)

**Author's Note:**

> i got sucked into arrow/legends of tomorrow hell so here we are. this is a product of sleep deprivation and desperation for hartmon to be more popular.  
> there s a mix of latin and spanish in this fic. copy the text and press control f + paste to be taken to the end notes where the translations are.  
> ~  
> based off of prompt #37 from writingburrito on tumblr:  
> "No one can hate you as much as I do."  
> "You think you can hate me more than I hate myself? Think again."  
> ~  
> my first ever hartmon fic!! please leave constructive criticism below and kudos!! thank you!

“Can you pass me my screwdriver, Cisco?”

“You can get it yourself. It’s not even six inches away from you, Hartley.” Hartley set his tools down on Cisco’s lab counter with a clatter.

“What is your problem, _Cisquito_? He snapped angrily.

“What's _my_ problem? What's _your_ problem, man? You asked for my help and you've been rude to me since you got here!” Cisco snapped back.

 

《°*~▪¤▪~*°》

 

**8:34 pm**

Cisco. Necesito ayuda.

por q

y por q piensas q quiero ayudarte

I hate when you use Spanish slang over text.

Also you owe me. For Jitters, remember?

ugh

im kind of in the middle of something right now hartley

q necesitas

 

That was _somewhat_ of a lie. Cisco was sitting in Barry’s living room, waiting for him to come back with popcorn. They were having a Star Wars marathon.

 

**8:37 pm**

My gear was damaged in a recent…

Escapade.

And the Rogues don't have sufficient resources for its repair.

I believe STAR Labs does.

so let me get this straight

you want me to fix /your/ criminal weapon in /my/ lab?

Yes.

we might not even have what you need.

That's cute, Cisco.

It's STAR Labs. I worked there.

How ever could you forget?

I know you have what I need.

 

Cisco pretended like his heart rate didn't quicken upon reading Hartley’s texts. He chose not to read into why it did.

 

**8:41 pm**

you can come tomorrow

but caitlin is coming in early and there is no way in hell im coming in earlier than her

It's a date.

 

 _Goddamnit, Hartley._ Cisco thought to himself.

 

“Hey, Cisco, you alright?” Barry asked, waving his free hand in front of Cisco’s face, the other holding a bowl of popcorn. “Did something happen?” He gestured to Cisco's phone.

“Huh? Oh, no, I'm fine.” Cisco snapped out of the trance he didn't even realize he was in. He quickly set his phone face down on the coffee table. “Just a little tired, I guess.” Barry looked skeptical, but didn't pry.

“You better not fall asleep during our marathon.”

“If I do, you can wake me up once the prequels are over.”

 

《°*~▪¤▪~*°》

 

Cisco was waiting for a response, but Hartley was silent.

“You're but one of many of my problems, _cariño_.” Hartley whispered under his breath, only for him to hear.

“What?” Cisco furrowed his brows at Hartley, unable to make out what he had said, as Hartley had his back to him.

“Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Hartley lied. “And I didn’t have enough coffee.”

 

《°*~▪¤▪~*°》

 

“One venti Caffe Americano to go, please.” Hartley ordered. He had pulled an all nighter working on his gear and was in desperate need of caffeine. He had changed into a random shirt he assumed to be clean and jumped into a taxi, telling the driver to take him to the best coffee shop in Central City. He ended up at Jitters.

 

He gave the barista his name and sat down at a table close to the counter. He looked around the café, smirking when he saw the banners advertising “The Flash” drink. He listened in on random conversations as he waited for his order. He heard businessmen discussing an under the table deal, moms trading workout tips, and some obnoxious guy clacking away on his laptop keyboard.

 

“Venti Caffe Americano to go!” The barista called, setting down the drink and walking back to the machines. Hartley quickly got up and strode over to the counter.

“That’s me.” Hartley and a familiar voice both said as they simultaneously reached for the one drink.

“Hartley?”

“Cisco?”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Getting my coffee and leaving, what else does it look like?”

“Dude, that's _my_ coffee.”

“Ah. So you _do_ still order the same thing I do. I thought you stopped after we-” Cisco abruptly cut Hartley off.

“First off, are you following me?” Cisco accused. “Second, shut up.”

“Did you not hear what I just said? I just want my coffee.” Hartley replied. “Coincidences _do_ happen, _Cisquito_.”

“Don't ‘ _Cisquito’_ me, Hartley. Or else.”

“Or else what?”

 

“Sorry you had to wait, Francisco. Here's the Flash you ordered with your other drink.” A barista said, seemingly coming out of nowhere with a drink in hand. “Hey, is this guy bothering you? I told you that I've got you.” Cisco’s face visibly blanched as he turned to face the barista. His nametag said _Aaron._

“No, Aaron. He-I, uh. No. It's fine. I'm okay.” Cisco stuttered, grabbing the two drinks and heading for the door. Aaron grabbed his wrist, keeping him from leaving. Hartley saw Cisco visibly flinch at the unsolicited physical contact.

“What? It's so not okay.” Aaron released his grip and shifted his attention to Hartley, as Cisco looked too anxious to speak. “Buddy, you better back off.”

“ _Me_ , back off?” Hartley was in disbelief. “ _Buddy_ , you better back off.” He shot a quick look at Cisco to see how to respond to the situation. The two had gotten quite good at nonverbal communication in their past and Hartley knew that Cisco was looking to escape.

 _Get this guy to leave me alone. Please._ Cisco's expression read. He looked close to having a meltdown.

“Tell me why I should be the one to back off when you're the one making dear _Francisco_ here uncomfortable, tough guy.” Aaron ordered.

“I'm not the one making _Cisco_ uncomfortable here, Aaron. You are.” Hartley defended. “I don't appreciate guys hitting on my boyfriend, and I don't think he appreciates you hitting on him either.” He marvelled at the words that came out of his mouth.

 _That_ was the lie that his mind came up with and decided to use?

“Damn. That's cold, Francisco. You've been leading me on?” Aaron asked.

“It’s Cisco, _asshole._ ” Cisco muttered.

“Let's go.” Hartley advised. He and Cisco briskly walked away and out the door.

“But what about your drink?”

“I'll survive.”

 

《°*~▪¤▪~*°》

 

“Thank you, Hartley. Seriously. Thank you so much.” Cisco babbled as they walked.

“Just know that you owe me one, down the line.” Hartley pointed out. “¿Qué pasó con tú y le?” Cisco sighed before taking a sip of his coffee.

“He's been trying to ask me out since the day he got hired.”

“Why didn't you go out with him?”

“Not my type. And did you not see how ugly his personality is?” The two walked in silence for a few moments before Cisco spoke up again. “Do you...want some of my drink? I'm not going to finish it. I never do.” Hartley smiled a little.

“That is why we shared, Cisquito.” He took the drink from Cisco. “I haven't had one of these since…” Hartley let himself trail off. Cisco knew what he was going to say.

“I have one whenever I have a big project coming up.” Cisco admitted.

“Flash stuff?”

“Flash stuff.”

“I saw the drink named after Barry in Jitters. Cute.” Cisco laughed.

“Yeah, surprisingly, or maybe not, Team Flash had nothing to do with that.”

“I _am_ surprised.”

“So am I because Hartley Rathaway is wearing a Gryffindor shirt even though he's a Slytherin.” Hartley quickly looked down at his shirt. It was definitely a Gryffindor shirt, but he was definitely a Gryffindor.

“I cheated on the sorting quiz.” Cisco stopped walking.

“You did what now?”

“I answered all the questions like a Slytherin would because I didn't want you knowing that I'm actually a Gryffindor.”

“You're not seriously telling me that I failed myself with my knowledge of one of my special interests.”

“I'm a painfully good liar.” The pair walked in silence for a few minutes.

“Gryffindor? You? _Seriously?”_ Cisco suddenly questioned. “I'll buy you not being a Slytherin, but you are not a Gryffindor.”

“I am!” Hartley laughed.

“No. No way. You've got to be a Ravenclaw.”

“No, Cisquito. Gryffindor pride.”

“You are not a Gryffindor. No way in hell.”

“I am! Scout's honor.”

“You were never a Boy Scout. You're terrible at tying knots.”

“Eso no es la verdad, Cisquito.” Hartley teased. “Al menos, no si estamos en la cama.”

“¡Dios mio, _cállate_ , Hartley!” Cisco exclaimed.

“Nosotros los dos sabemos que eso es cierto.” Hartley continued. “Well, you’d know that if you ever let me try to-”

“Hartley!”

 

《°*~▪¤▪~*°》

 

“I call bullshit. I know you. What _really_ happened?” Cisco inquired. Hartley clicked his tongue.

“That is a _very_ loaded question that you should know not to ask by now, Cisco.” He countered.

“Now's not the time for your apathetic, self-preserving attitude!” Cisco raised his voice. “Hartley, I’m trying to give you another chance. I really am.” His caring tone was genuine.

“Maybe you should stop having so much faith in me. I'm a hell of a lost cause.” Hartley claimed.

“You know, in these moments, when you're acting like-like _this_ -I can’t stand you. I don't understand what I did for you treat me like this! Like shit!”

“You haven't done anything.”

“Then why the _hell_ are you like this to me?”

“Malum consilium quod mutari non potest.” Hartley stated.

“Seriously, _not_ the time.” Cisco rolled his eyes.

“It’s a bad plan. How I treat you. But it can't be changed.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. For your own good, Cisco.”

“Really, Hartley? I hate your _holier-than-thou_ attitude.” Cisco shouted, emphasizing his anger with finger quotes. “No one can hate you as much as I do.”

“You think you can hate me more than I hate myself? Think again.”

“Hartley, I didn't mean that. I-” Cisco’s voice softened, speaking in a way he reserved only for Hartley.

“I haven't gone a single day without thinking about you since we broke up. Not one day have I not regretted what I did, not gone over every single mistake I made, not clung to my memories of us, together.” Hartley spilled. “And I hate it. Hate myself for not being able to let go of this impossible dream and get over you.”

Silence.

“I didn't know that you still had feelings for me.” Cisco piped up quietly.

“They never went away.” Hartley replied. “Never will.” He added, his voice barely a whisper. Again, Cisco didn't catch what he said.

“Hartley, look at me.” Cisco asked softly. Hartley turned around to face him, his eyes red.  “Why do you still care about me? Después de todo que pasó, que hice a tú, como te lastimo…”

“Porque te amo, Cisco Ramon.” Hartley choked out.

“Hartley, nunca me dijiste que me amas.” Cisco murmured.

“Amans iratus multa mentitur.”

“I still don't know Latin.”

“An angry lover tells himself many lies.”

“Since when? Since when have you loved me?” Hartley paused to think.

“Yo he sabido que te amaré desde el día nos conocimos.” He finally answered. “I've known that I love you since we fought the Time Wraith. I always had a feeling I did, but I rejected the notion. That day, I knew for sure.”

“What made you realize it then?”

“For the first time in months, I felt...wanted. Welcome.” Hartley mused. “ _You_ made me feel like I actually mattered.”

“But you have the Rogues.” Hartley scoffed at the innocence of Cisco's statement.

 

“Half the Rogues hate me for coming out. Told me I should've stayed in the closet for the money.” Cisco didn't know how to respond, so he said nothing. He avoided making eye contact. “I assume that I've given you all the more reason to truly hate me, so I'll be going now.” Hartley started heading for the exit.

“What? No, no! Hartley! You can't go!” Cisco said frantically.  “You know I'm not good with words or feelings or anything like that, so please stay for a few more minutes while I think.” Hartley stayed. He sat down at a stool and waited for Cisco to think of a response. He'd do this often, take some time to formulate a response when a conversation was important. Cisco would mentally review past conversations and see what to say and what not say. Hartley was always patient with Cisco, letting him take as long as he needed. It must've only been mere minutes he sat there waiting, but they felt like long, agonizing hours.

“I _don't_ hate you, Hartley. I don’t think I ever could.” Cisco finally said.

“Why? Why don't you? You should.” Hartley insisted.

“Out of everyone I know, you get me the most. Even more than Caitlin and Barry.”

Cisco stopped and Hartley let him collect his thoughts. “We're close, but they don't know how to deal with me like you do. You help with my meltdowns-you learned ASL for me, for God's sake-and when I had dysphoria before- _Wells_ -started paying for my transition.. And the little things, too. You've listened to _hours_ of me infodumping about Harry Potter and explained jokes and social cues to me.”

“So what are you saying, Cisco?” Hartley was near speechless. He never knew that Cisco had picked up on the small acts of kindness. He never expected anything in return from him. Just to see Cisco happy was more than enough.

“Hartley-” Cisco was looking at Hartley nervously. “Te valde amo ac semper amabo.”

“What?”

“You know what I said. I mean it, too.”

“Oh, Cisquito.” Hartley opened his arms and Cisco practically stumbled into him. Hartley hugged him tightly. He kissed the top of his head lightly. “I love you.”

“I know.” Hartley withdrew his arms.

“Did you just ‘Han Solo’ me?” He asked in mock disbelief. Cisco nodded and laughed and Hartley felt himself fall in love with him all over again. He hugged him again, Cisco sighing contentedly. Hartley unwrapped his arms from around Cisco’s body to cup his face in his hands. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please do.” Cisco answered breathily.

**Author's Note:**

> translations:  
> Necesito ayuda - I need help  
> Por q (short for por qué) - Why  
> Y por q piensas q quiero ayudarte - And why do you think that I want to help you  
> Q necesitas - What do you need  
> Cariño - Honey  
> Qué pasó con tú y le - What happened with you and him  
> Eso no es la verdad - That is not the truth  
> Al menos, no si estamos en la cama - At least, not if we're in bed  
> Dios mio, cállate- My god, shut up  
> Nosotros los dos sabemos que eso es cierto - We both know that that is true  
> Malum consilium quod mutari non potest - It's a bad plan that can't be changed  
> Después de todo que pasó, que hice a tú, como te lastimo - After all that happened, what I did to you, how I hurt you  
> Porque te amo - Because I love you  
> Nunca me dijiste que me amas- You never told me that you love me  
> Yo he sabido que te amaré desde el día nos conocimos - I've known that I will love you since the day we met  
> Te valde amo ac semper amabo - I love you very much, and always will forever  
> ~  
> again pls leave concrit down below in the comments and kudos!! tysm for reading! if there are any errors, esp w the spanish (i m not fluent) pls let me know! :^)


End file.
